The Shadow's Heart Page 12

  ‘Ah. Then that was not a simple fight?’

  ‘No.’ Kullervo picked at his broken teeth. ‘I’ll tell you about it some other time.’

  He never mentioned Inva to Vander again, but a few days later he noticed that the two had begun to spend some time together. Neither of them gave anything away, of course, but one day they went out on their griffins together to enjoy a leisurely flight over the sea. They didn’t return until evening, when the first stars had begun to show, and Kullervo was the only one to see them steal away to the little balcony at the back of the ship.

  Unable to resist, he went up onto the main deck where the wheel stood, and peeked over the railings. He saw the two diplomats standing together below him, looking out to sea. For a while it seemed as if they were only talking, but then Kullervo noticed that they were holding hands. As the moon rose, Vander leaned over and kissed Inva’s cheek.

  Kullervo smiled to himself and sneaked away.

  As he headed back toward his cabin, he realised there was someone else looking over the railings just as he had. They had been standing so still that he had completely missed them.

  ‘Hello,’ he said cautiously.

  Prince Akhane turned his head and smiled. ‘It is said that the messenger of Xanathus is sometimes sent with a message of love, to tell a man that he is meant to be with a woman. I have wondered if that was true.’

  ‘You’re not sure if you believe in me, are you?’ said Kullervo.

  Akhane’s smile became cautious. ‘I am not a man to blindly believe, Sacred One.’

  Kullervo shook his head. ‘I’m just too ordinary, aren’t I? I haven’t taught you how to be a better person, or healed the sick, or anything. You must be disappointed.’

  The smile disappeared. ‘Sorry. I am sorry … I would not suggest that you are not what you say you are. I am only curious, Sacred One.’

  Kullervo grinned to put Akhane at his ease. ‘It’s all right. It’s good to be curious.’ A sudden, wild impulse gripped him. ‘You want to see what I can do?’

  Akhane’s face lit up with interest, but he hid it quickly, saying, ‘No — it is written that Xanathus cannot be questioned …’

  ‘Don’t worry,’ said Kullervo. ‘I’m offering to show you. I know you like seeing new things. Besides, it’s been too long, and I … it feels right for it, tonight.’

  Akhane’s forced doubt disappeared instantly. ‘Very well. I would be eager to see your power if you are willing, Sacred One.’

  Kullervo glanced around. ‘Not here. Come with me.’

  He led the way down into the hold, which was deserted at this time of night. Akhane brought a lantern from the passage outside.

  Kullervo chose a secluded spot, surrounded by crates. ‘Here should do. Now …’ He undid his shirt and hung it up neatly on a nail. ‘This won’t be pleasant to watch, but don’t be afraid. You won’t be in any danger.’ He took off his boots, and his trousers as well, without embarrassment.

  Akhane’s eyes widened when he saw Kullervo’s tail, but he quickly looked away again. ‘Why must you be naked?’

  Kullervo coughed. ‘I’m sorry, it’s just that these clothes were tailored for me and I don’t want to ruin them. Now … watch.’

  He crouched down with his hands resting on the deck in front of him, and concentrated.

  For a griffin, using magic only needed concentration — and strength. But when he was human, Kullervo found it took more than that. He closed his eyes, and focused not on his magic, but on his past. He thought back, bringing up every bad memory he had, everything that had ever hurt or threatened him, everything that made him afraid. Everything that made him believe he needed to become stronger.

  Sure enough, his body reacted. He heard Akhane gasp, as fur and feathers sprouted all over his skin. That part didn’t hurt much. The rest of it did.

  He stayed upright for as long as he could, but before long he had fallen onto his side, twitching and contorting as the changes took hold. Under his skin, bones broke and shifted, forming into new shapes. The skin on his forearms thickened and cracked, turning into rough scales. His teeth fused and thrust out of his mouth, becoming a beak. Flight muscles bulged out on his back. Nails became claws and talons.

  The change was much faster now than it had been, but it would never stop being ugly and painful. Still, it was done, and Kullervo had managed to stay conscious.

  He stood up again, clumsy on four legs, and looked straight at Prince Akhane.

  Akhane hadn’t moved. He stood there frozen in a position of utter shock, one arm nervously raised.

  Speaking in griffin form was very different. Kullervo hacked and rasped and coughed, before he managed to form the words. ‘I’m finished.’

  Akhane took a step forward. His dark Amorani eyes were bright with awe. ‘Sacred One …’

  Kullervo raised a wing. ‘My other shape. Only two other people have ever seen me do that.’

  Akhane didn’t seem to know what to say. Kullervo watched him peacefully, relaxing as the pain faded out of his body. As a griffin, he was no larger than he had been as a human — to a real, purebred griffin, he would be trapped as a scrawny adolescent forever — but he had the shape of an adult. His feathers were mottled grey, his hindquarters silvery like old slate, and his pale, undersized beak was chipped and jagged along its edge. Anyone who had seen him as a human but hadn’t seen him change would never recognise him, but if they knew it was him then they would have noticed his eyes. They had stayed the same as they always were: big, yellow, bright with innocence.

  As some strength came back to him, Kullervo stretched like a cat, feeling his spine click into place. He yawned, unconcerned, while nearby the Prince finally found his voice again.

  ‘Sacred One, I am … I am humbled, I have never seen … in all my life, I have never seen a thing like what you have just done.’ All of Akhane’s scholarly calm had escaped him.

  Kullervo tried to smile, and remembered that he couldn’t now. ‘It’s only another kind of magic.’

  Akhane knelt, partly in reverence and partly to look Kullervo in the eye. ‘What is it like, my Lord? Can I ask you?’

  ‘It hurts,’ Kullervo said matter-of-factly. ‘I can feel my bones and everything being wrenched around inside me. Once …’ He stopped himself there. He had been going to say that, once upon a time, he had been unable to transform without putting himself into a coma, sometimes for an entire day, and that afterwards he had needed plenty of food and rest to recover. Akhane didn’t need to know that, and he wouldn’t want to either.

  Akhane didn’t seem to notice Kullervo’s hesitation. ‘What is it like, then, to be a griffin?’ He smiled and added, ‘I would never ask an ordinary griffin, of course. Only a griffin who has been human would be able to answer.’

  Kullervo preened his wing, and thought about it. It was an interesting question, and nobody had ever asked it before. Now that someone had, he wondered how he should answer. ‘I feel things less,’ he said eventually. ‘There’s less of some emotions. There’s less … thinking as well. I get angry faster and do things without thinking first. There’s more instinct, I suppose. And,’ he went on, realising it for the first time as he said it, ‘it’s more peaceful. Griffins don’t worry about things the way humans do. They don’t care about things they can’t control, like what other griffins think.’ He chirped a laugh. ‘But if I smell food, I can’t stop myself!’

  Akhane listened closely. ‘Fascinating!’ he muttered. ‘I must write this down at once, and draw a picture of you as I saw you changing. If I have your permission, of course.’

  ‘Of course.’ Kullervo repeated. He yawned again. ‘I think I’ll stay this way for a few days, maybe until Tara comes in sight. Right now I need to see someone, so you go and write if you want. We can talk again tomorrow.’

  Akhane nodded, eyes shining with excitement. ‘Whenever you choose, Sacred One.’

  Kullervo flicked his tail by way of reply — his griffish mind was already growing b
ored with all this human talk — and scooped his clothes up in his beak before he left.

  He went up on deck again, and returned to his own quarters.

  Senneck was there, and she looked even more beautiful to him through griffin eyes.

  ‘Kullervo,’ she said abruptly, looking up from her grooming. ‘You startled me.’

  He dropped the bundle of clothes and stepped over them carelessly. ‘I missed being a griffin,’ he said.

  ‘I understand,’ said Senneck. ‘How long will you stay this way?’

  Kullervo shrugged with his wings. ‘As long as I feel like it. But I’ll change before we get to Malvern.’

  ‘That would be a good idea,’ said Senneck. ‘I cannot return there without my human.’

  ‘No, you can’t,’ said Kullervo, not really listening. He sat back on his haunches and stared at her in silence.

  If that bothered Senneck, she didn’t show it. ‘When we return, I think it will be time to ask your sister to reward us. She should be glad to give us an official position; a mastership for you would not be much to ask. But you will need to decide which one would be best.’

  Kullervo finally blinked. ‘None, probably. Masterships are for men who can read, and I’m only half a man, and half literate as well.’

  ‘Then we shall ask her to create a new post just for you,’ said Senneck, with complete seriousness. ‘Think it over when you are human again.’

  ‘I will.’ Kullervo moved closer. ‘You’re beautiful, Senneck. Have I ever told you that?’

  She put her head on one side. ‘I am beautiful and you are small and ugly.’

  Kullervo didn’t flinch. ‘Yes, but I fought Skarok, just for you. I’d do it again if you wanted me to.’

  ‘You fought him and lost,’ Senneck pointed out.

  ‘I didn’t,’ said Kullervo. ‘I fought him to stop him from mating with you, and he never did. So I won.’

  ‘I refused him because he hurt you.’

  ‘So I won,’ Kullervo said stubbornly. ‘He didn’t deserve you.’

  ‘And you think that you do?’ asked Senneck.

  ‘No,’ Kullervo admitted. He rubbed his head under her beak. ‘But I’ll never leave you and I’ll never give up on you, no matter what. Would Skarok have done that for you? Would any other griffin do that?’

  ‘No griffin would,’ said Senneck.

  ‘But I will,’ said Kullervo.

  ‘You will not!’ Senneck said fiercely. ‘It is not the way. Griffins do not do that, not for each other. We do not need to.’

  ‘But you need it,’ said Kullervo. ‘We need it. Everyone else left you, Senneck. Even your human left you. Nobody’s ever tried to protect you.’

  ‘I can protect myself,’ Senneck said at once.

  ‘I know. But if you ever need someone else there to protect you, I’ll be there. That’s what I’ll give you, Senneck. That’s all I have to offer.’ He pushed against her as he said this, not aggressively but affectionately, nibbling at her neck feathers and purring deep within his throat.

  Senneck jerked away from him, rasping in irritation, and even lashed out at him with her talons. But the blows were gentle, since she didn’t want to hurt him, and Kullervo’s response was to rear up and bat at her with his own talons. She knocked them away, and before she knew it her rebuff had turned into a game.

  Tail whipping vigorously from side to side, Kullervo darted around her like a giant kitten, cheeping and mock-pouncing.

  Senneck leapt back at him, and in a moment they were chasing each other, bounding recklessly around the cabin before Senneck led the way out onto the deck and they continued, weaving in and out around the masts and hopping onto the railings, which promptly broke and tipped the pair of them off the side of the ship.

  The two griffins unfurled their wings before they hit the water, and glided away over the waves, side by side. Senneck pulled up and Kullervo followed, and they flew together around the ship and above it, looping and diving and darting between the sails, with Senneck always in front and Kullervo keeping up.

  Not only was he keeping up, Senneck realised suddenly, but he was actually gaining on her. He was smaller, and that made him faster, and until today she had never seen what he could really do in the air when he wanted to. He was flying after her, he was probably going to catch her, and … and …

  And this, Senneck saw abruptly, this was not a game. They were chasing, showing off their skills to each other, and Kullervo was proving his strength by keeping up with her. All of that made this a mating flight, whether he knew it or not. But he probably did. After all, he wanted her. He had even fought another male for her.

  And when Senneck realised that, for the first time she seriously considered whether Kullervo could be a mate to her. Not a lifelong partner — griffins never mated for life, and he was already a partner to her in a different way — but a partner for one night and maybe the day after it …? Could she do that? Could she mate with her own human? Of course, he wasn’t a human now, he was a griffin, but still …

  Part of her said no. To her he was human, more or less, too human to be a mate. But he was griffin, too, and he wanted her, and he had proven himself … and besides, there was something he might be able to give her, something she wanted.

  She had had chicks once, and she had lost them. Now she had the chance to lay another clutch, and if she wanted to do it then she would have to do it soon. If she waited much longer she would become too old for eggs.

  And if Kullervo was here, and he was a griffin, and they were flying a mating flight together, then maybe he could give her the eggs that she wanted.

  Not that Senneck had ever cared about motherhood, at least in the human sense. For a female griffin, chicks were important. A strong female was a fertile one who knew how to hatch healthy chicks and raise them properly. Senneck had lost her last opportunity, and here she had found what could be another one.

  Kullervo wouldn’t understand that, of course. He might be an adult, but in many ways he was more like a chick himself, and he loved like one too.

  But chicks learned, Senneck realised. And a female’s task was to teach them.

  She slowed her flight, and as he got close enough to touch her she headed back toward the deck and let him catch her there on solid ground.

  Kullervo landed and pounced on her. He said nothing, and instead hissed and rasped excitedly as they tussled again. Flying had pushed most of the human-ness out of his mind, and he acted much more like an ordinary griffin now. When he and Senneck were both tired, he groomed her the way a normal male would a female: roughly and powerfully, not hurting her but trying to dominate.

  He was weaker than her, but she let him do it anyway, sinking low under his talons and finally pressing herself against the deck. She had forgotten every objection that was still left, and now she raised her tail and turned her head sideways, waiting for him to take what he wanted from her.

  But he didn’t.

  He lay down beside her and put his head on her shoulders, snuggling against her and purring to himself. ‘That was fun,’ he said, with a yawn.

  Senneck did not move. ‘What are you doing?’ She was bewildered.

  ‘Resting,’ he said. ‘I shouldn’t have done so much flying right after the change. But it was worth it.’

  He did not understand. Senneck lifted her head, pushing his away. ‘Kullervo,’ she said, impatient and aroused, ‘we are not finished.’

  He huffed softly. ‘We can go again, if you want. I just need to rest first.’

  ‘No!’ Senneck rasped, and shoved at him. ‘We have flown the mating flight. Now is the time to couple.’

  Kullervo’s head went up. ‘What?’

  ‘You must mate with me,’ she said, throwing caution to the winds. ‘It is time.’ And she pushed herself against him, offering herself in the hope that he would finally understand.

  Kullervo stood up and moved back, staring wide-eyed — human-like again. Then he bowed his head. ‘I can’t.’


  ‘You can. Do it now, before it is too late.’

  ‘You don’t understand,’ said Kullervo. ‘I can’t. I can’t … do that with you, Senneck. Even if I wanted to, I couldn’t.’

  She stood too, angry with confusion. ‘Do not be a fool! You are male, I am female, we are both griffins. Mate with me now, and give me eggs.’

  But Kullervo only turned his head away. ‘I can’t,’ he said again. ‘I never have, and I never will. I’m sterile, Senneck.

  ‘You told me that you suspected it, but you will not know until you have tried,’ said Senneck, staying close to him. ‘Come.’

  But Kullervo only bowed his head. ‘I’m sorry,’ he said. ‘But I … I can’t … I mean, I can’t try either. I’m not properly formed. Do you understand? My … I never developed properly. Do you understand?’

  Senneck stared, then looked away dismissively. ‘Then I was wrong,’ she said, turning back into her usual abrupt self. ‘You are not a true griffin after all.’

  ‘No, I’m not. I never was.’ Kullervo came to her and touched his beak to hers. ‘I don’t mind, though. Senneck, even if I can’t give you what you want, I’ll always love you. Always and forever. No matter what. I know you want to have eggs again, and … if you want them, then you can have them. You can find a proper griffin to give them to you. I know I stopped you before, but I shouldn’t have. It wasn’t fair of me — I wasn’t thinking straight.’

  ‘I do not need your permission,’ Senneck said coldly, but behind the coldness there was despair. She had been so desperate for eggs that she had made a fool of herself with Kullervo, and just now, here on the ocean with no sight of land, it felt as if there really was nothing else. Where was the mate she wanted, whom she had wanted her whole life, ever since she was a youngster just turning into an adult? She had imagined a big, magnificent male griffin, but she had never found him, and now she knew she never would. Instead she would have another young fool like Skarok, or an old one like herself. And Kullervo, poor pathetic Kullervo, would never be a father and so never be whole.

  He must have sensed what she was feeling, because he came close and started to groom her gently. ‘You’ll find someone, Senneck,’ he promised. ‘You’ll be one of the most powerful griffins in Malvern, and everyone will want you. I’m sure of it.’